My brain is running with Kermit flail in 17 different directions and so list
FIC: finished
Kay Nicté:Nashuri AU, no powers, porn with plot & feels & family dynamics; Shuri doesn’t want to go to a resort on spring break; she has way too much critical, life-or-death work to do in the lab. Ch'ah Toh doesn’t want to go back home to his cousin’s resort on spring break; he has way too much respect for his culture to sell it out to tourists. One mezcal tasting flight later, they can’t seem to keep their hands off each other. Or any of their other body parts either. <5000 words
The Pearl That I Carry in My Heart:Nashuri, Attoye, big damn post-canon fic, world building. The Elder’s brows furrowed. “Am I understanding you correctly, Princess? That your suggestion for strengthening our alliance is arranged marriages between our available tribal leaders and theirs?” Shuri smiled, a forced twisted thing. “Not quite, Elder. My suggestion for strengthening this alliance is an arranged marriage between K’uk’ulkan and me.” >100,000 words
FIC: in progress
Beautifully Created:Attoye, canon divergence AU, kidfic, world building, what do you call it when you start with smut and end with smut but the whole wide middle is angst and politics? Wakanda already knew about Talokan when Namor made his ultimatum thanks to information from Okoye. Attuma would like to know how she got that information and why the queen & princess seem to hate his guts when he’s never met them before. 15% finished –read on ao3–
Kiss Me by the Fence Rails:Nashuri, AU modern day. Shuri is a brilliant engineer who just Does Not Get dating. She wants to get better at it and at sex in order to finally shoot her shot with her high school crush. She asks Namor, an equally brilliant architect, to help her out with all of that. He’s her brother’s business partner so he won’t try anything shady, he’s dated lots, and deep inside under that cranky exterior he’s a good guy. Simple and easy, right? <5% finished –read on ao3–
Witch’s heart Latticed stinkhorn, Clathrus ruber, a saprophyte fungus feeding on decaying woody plant material. Also known as “Coeur de sorcière” (witch’s heart) in France. (Versailles, France)
Matilda (movie) remake where Trunchbull looks like one of those hyper feminine bleach blonde Republican women you see on talk shows as the token girl/eye candy. And then Miss Honey is a soft-hearted, handy, tie-wearing Butch.
It is so so important that Miss Honey is also fat.
put in the flattering limerick Matilda made about Miss Honey like the second she met her, in the novel, and all the other seven-year-olds insisting Jenny Honey absolutely is the prettiest woman in the school no matter what she thinks herself, because they’re seven and believe ‘pretty’ means 'makes me happy to look at her’ and the thing is they’re right
I turn 30 next month so here’s what I learned in my 20s:
—don’t work for startups, they’re always one ‘innovative idea’ away adding ‘sell your kidneys on the black market’ to your job description.
—keeping a collection of basic OTC medicine on you will save your life one day. I recommend Advil, Imodium, and TUMS.
—those little single-use glasses cleaning wipes are 1000% worth the money
—overly self-depreciating jokes just make people uncomfortable, wean yourself off of them
—you can buy dehydrated mini marshmallows in bulk online and they’re a godsend for hot cocoa
—people don’t care if you have fidget toys on your desk they just want to play with them
—try to go to bed BEFORE the existential ennui kicks in
Also drink water and eat a plant
This is all GREAT. I turned 40 last week, so permit me to add what I learned in my 30s:
keep on not working for startups
sometimes there comes a point where the thing (fandom, hobby, friendship, romantic relationship) you loved no longer brings you joy. And that’s okay. Try to mourn the loss, take joy in the memories, and don’t burn any bridges in case ten years go by and you find yourself back in that fandom/hobby/relationship again
it turns out that (ugh) moderate regular exercise is (spit) good for you. The sooner you make it part of your life, the easier it’ll be
related: if you throw yourself into a new exercise regime too hard and too fast, without stopping to rest or consider whether a particular move is good for you … well, shoulder injuries are painful and consults with orthopedic surgeons are expensive
knees are bastards too
don’t even get me started on ankles
there may come a time when your digestive system is too fragile for ibuprofin. I’m sorry
one day you’re gonna wake up and realise you no longer give any fucks about some things that used to bother you
on the other hand, you might be alarmed to realise what you still give a fuck about
never get down on the floor without an exit strategy for getting back up
I turn 50 this year. what I have learned in my 40s:
“loving yourself” is less of a feeling and more of an action. you can start doing it any time and it will make your life better and better as you go on
this will happen incrementally - be patient
along those lines, if you haven’t started making an active effort to quit shit-talking yourself, suck it up and do it
no, shut up. do it. “but it’s haaaaard!” don’t care. do it.
whether you like it or not, you are mortal and you need to go to the doctor for an annual checkup
stretch regularly - your future self will thank you
at some point you will encounter people much younger than you arguing passionately and incorrectly about history you personally remember and experienced
this will be infuriating and annoying
otoh, most other things just… will not matter to you as much
at some point you will shift from wanting to go out to being like “eh” and deciding to stay in. this is okay.
you will have absolutely no idea what The Youth are talking about and you will not care
but if you keep your mind open to new ideas you’ll never be irrelevant
your company still doesn’t love you - don’t give them more than they pay you for
get a fucking hobby, especially a hobby that involves physically creating/handling something and/or moving your body in physical space. it will do you more good than you can imagine
Image ID: Gifs of Daniel Craig and Hugh Grant being interviewed for Glass Onion.
Interviewer: Was his [Benoit’s] sexuality ever discussed on the first Knive’s Out? Was that important, did it matter? Daniel Craig: No, it didn’t. It just kind of came about in a natural way. And then Hugh said yes, and…
Interviewer: What was it like being married to Benoit Blanc? Hugh Grant: Well… is that out of the can now?
Daniel Craig: (chuckling) I mean, who wouldn’t wanna live with him?
Hugh Grant: It is true, I’m married to James Bond.
Then there is a screenshot of a set of tumblr tags:
#the fact he says James Bond #is making me want the most desperately unhinged crossover fic #where craig!bond’s injuries really properly catch up to him #and he’s losing it in retirement #finally goes into therapy #gets over his internalised homophobia etc etc #and ultimately creates the character of Bond because he cannot sit still #he needs the adventure!!! #but also if he gets punched One More Time his heart will explode #so he definitely can’t be found by his old enemies #all of which culminates in: #this is why the accent is Like That #it’s James Bonds best attempt at deep south cover #philip knows #they met because Philip was his speech coach #who eventually said I give up #you’re client fired #but on the upside I am no longer ethically prevented from asking you out #would you like to get coffee #Well Ah Do Decleah That Sounds Mighty Nice #oh my god you’re terrible let’s make out right now #philip is morosexual but specifically for accents #i told you this was unhinged
I always feel insane seeing Cassandra Clare discussed as just, like, a regular author and not someone who needs to face a tribunal for fandom war crimes
Independent bookstores around the country have a particularly clever lifeline, one perfectly suited to the unprecedented moment we find ourselves in. The strange part? It came into being just weeks before the World Health Organization declared the coronavirus outbreak a pandemic, and before the bookstores started closing up shop wondering if they’d reopen at all.
In simple terms, it’s a super clean, user-friendly online bookstore whose raison d’être is supporting independent bookstores — not simply with exposure or resources (though that’s certainly a factor), but with cold hard cash…
:0
From their Choose a Bookstore tab
The link redirects to a related page, but here’s a link to the site itself.
I asked my kids if they’d prefer a secret garden or a secret library and my son shook his head and was like “I don’t trust the secret gardeners and librarians”
Me: what if there aren’t any gardeners or librarians.
Son: there’s always a librarian. Just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they aren’t there. And it’s a garden, there has to be someone taking care of it or it isn’t really a garden.
Me:
Me: this was supposed to be lighthearted
Daughter: don’t trust the secret librarian.
Son: any librarian who hoards a library to themselves is hiding something.
Daughter: /nods seriously/
Me: why are you two talking as if from experience should I be concerned
The kids are right Jazz
But what if I want to be the secret librarian?
Me: what if you were the secret librarian?
Son: wouldn’t be a secret library. I have nothing to hide.
Daughter: so not a secret librarian. A good librarian.
Me: you two are on a wavelength I can’t understand
What a way to find out your kids went on a whole-ass portal fantasy adventure at some point.
Update: Legolas’ pupils are about 3.5 cm wide each. Now drawing kawaii Legolas on physics assignment.
And they told you science was no fun.
Science!
I’m going to do it. I’m going to hand it in.
Legolas’s pupil size isn’t the problem here, though. 5 leagues is 17.262 miles. The curvature of the Earth means that for a person of average height, the visual horizon is less than three miles away. Even if your vision is telescopic and the atmosphere is perfectly clear, you can’t see around the planet. If they were standing on a hill, it would have to be at LEAST 198 feet above sea level in order to see the horizon at 17.2 miles away, with nothing tall in between. Which, knowing Rohan, isn’t impossible.
But consider: Elven satellite eyeballs.
you mean like
@sidereanuncia it’s back, the post that I can only imagine haunts your nightmares
I shall never find peace.
Also, for what it’s worth, there’s absolutely no reason to believe that the curvature of Middle Earth is the same as that of Earth.
There’s no evidence that Middle Earth curves.
Yeah there is. The Silmarillion states that the world was curved after the fall of Numenor (I believe), preventing access to Valinor. But Elves (among others) can travel the straight path across it.
So middle earth is round, but not for Elves because magic.
So wait, the reason he can see that far is because Elves just have the ability to ignore the curve of the earth? That’s awesome. It also means that no matter how good your optics got, you would always want elf eyes manning the spyglass because they can see arbitrarily far while everybody else is limited by this ‘horizon’ bullshit.
Oh thank God, my poor elf prince has seen too much in this post
Elves are flat-earthers
This post went from amusing to horrifying, to be brought back down to amusing, sprinkled in with some cannon explanation, and then you leave me here in fucking outrage
